Last week, I asked my girls for suggestions on topics to write on my blog and one friend suggested: “How To Know Your Man Is Cheating”. My brain immediately went “errmmmm no”. It was only a playful suggestion and not something she truly needed advice on. She just thought my perspective would be pretty funny and well in depth.
That’s just the thing… it would be well in depth. It would dig up so much past trauma and heartbreak I would need moments to step back, hold myself, and cry. I didn’t want to go to that place.
But I saw this tweet:
And I thought I should talk about this. Not to help women catch their man cheating but to address the trauma. The anxiety. The inability to trust. The viscous paranoia.
So, I’ll give what you came here for, the clues:
7 indications that your man could be cheating on you:
- When you are sitting together at the table for dinner or watching a movie on the couch, look where he places his phone. Is the screen sitting up or face down? If it’s faced down he may not want you to see who is trying to reach him.
2. A Follow up to #1. He only uses his phone when you walk away to go to the bathroom or he takes it with him when he goes to the bathroom. Anything that puts you at a bit of a distance from him when he’s on his phone.
3. He ALWAYS has a reason why you can’t meet up with him. Like he’s “not sure when he’ll be done at work” or it’s “just the guys”.
4. He has more friends that are girls than you do, and he only has a few guy friends. His besties! His homegirls. The ones he talks to when Y’all have an argument. You always wonder why he doesn’t have more male friends.
5. Every time you call him out on something (like why he went so MIA on text) he turns it around on you, saying you’re being clingy or crazy.
6. When you try to initiate sex he’s like “Chill, I’m tired”, or acts distracted by something on TV or his phone.
7. When you ask him how his night out with friends he either gets strangely quiet and gives short responses, “it was fine”, “we had fun” OR He gives way too much detail like who, what, when, where, who wore what? Like damn, I just asked did you have fun.
And here is my invitation to CrazyLand (most wonderful place on earth). Do you want to figure out who this person may be?:
- Check his phone when he’s asleep. If he is smart like my Ex he deleted any numbers and conversations he wouldn’t want you to see. But that in itself is strange. See if conversation threads seem off or missing replies.
2. Check the people he recently followed. If it’s a female and she’s not a celebrity it could be someone he met out. Social Media is an easy way to connect with someone he may not want texting his phone.
3. Check for the people that like his pictures most often. Those recurring few. Most are true friends but you are likely to find a few too friendly interested hoes. i.e. 😍 😍
4. Something I have seen friends do but haven’t myself. Hack his Facebook or whatever social media and check his phone records. (This was a wife if you’re wondering how someone could get that information).
5. If you think you found side bae just wait and watch. One thing I have learned is that people love to boast. When you’re proud of what you have you will show off. If your man is treating her right she will want to post him, tweet about him, etc. He will show up. (Unless she knows he’s not single and is down for being a secret. Then you’re SOL)
There you have it! My tricks of the trade. At this point, of course, I feel the need to defend myself. This erratic behavior doesn’t stem from just insecurity or lack of faith in humanity. It is the aftermath of being dragged through the dirt by someone that claimed they loved me. Dealing with a pathological liar, being gaslighted, and made to believe I didn’t meet certain standards. Forreal Forreal, It stemmed from having a side chick pull up unannounced to my man’s house and give me all the details of his infidelities.
My advice is this. DO NOT GO TO CRAZYLAND (I have visited, stayed too long, ended up owning property, and currently trying to sell it). Don’t spy, stalk, or hack. If you really think he’s cheating you should calmly and securely ask him. If something seems off or makes you uncomfortable, you speak up. If he lashes out or makes you feel insecure or insane, it’s because he is deflecting. A caring relationship involves talking things out and caring about one another’s feelings. You should feel validated and move towards trying to resolve an issue in a constructive and healthy way.
If you don’t get that WALK AWAY, Sis. And after you walk away, work on healing. You don’t want to bring that anxiety, paranoia, and insecurity into your next relationship. I’m still working on healing myself. So, are a lot of the women in my circle. Next, we will discuss healing processes!